我充满敌意地爱着这个世界
鼻涕与眼泪横飞，咽喉肿痛没气色。人在病中爱犯懒，跟大家说下抱歉。昨午后跟十几年前的师兄刚子约了喝咖啡摆谈，聊了很多过去现在，还有以后。跟刚子的友谊始于十多年前的画班，尤其高兴的是，他的太太还是我的同学。这些年，各自走南闯北，我从深圳到北京，他从上海到北京。中学毕业后就没再见过，直到昨天。时间没有疏离友情，也许因为我们年少求学工作经历大致相仿。因此，走了很多路，看了许多景，依旧从前。
人到中年，红尘里翻滚，好在除了烟火，多少有点情怀。
我们曾是川南丘陵里奔跑的农村娃，今时又都生活在帝都。在我与刚子的闲扯中，了解到他曲折到肃然起敬的成长。传说中的穷二代，凤凰涅槃的过程，深有感触。刚子说，同龄人中，别人在规划毕业后的第一个五年发展时，我们在为每顿饭愁苦……一切，都比别人慢。现实让我们更早知道：如履薄冰，如人饮水。
我从不仇富，也不太物质。概因认识到事在人为以及作为人不能胜天的无能为力的局限。此种羁绊就像时刻捆缚的绳索，随着年岁的增长，绳索勒住脖子越来越紧上不来气的感觉。我们比优越的同龄人更想要挣脱。每当懂得了一点叹气的技巧，伸长脖子张大嘴巴想要喘口粗气，又被迎面呼啸过来的巴掌打得鼻青脸肿。于是我们瞪大双眼，在慌乱中警惕着，不放过任何，哪怕是危险，是深渊，也会闭眼往下跳。
对于一些人和事物的自卑感，就像川南阴冷刺骨的风，潮湿氤氲的空气，无处不在。不管我们走到哪里，努力成为了什么样的人，都会在一瞬间若山洪决堤。比如，刚子说，当他第一次见到大大的M字母，很多人围着，他不知道那是麦当劳；我笑着说，高中的时候，才从比较前卫的同学那里知道有本课外书是“知音”，我竟然不是《读者》的读者。刚子说，他在厦大读书时，室友每天遨游图书馆，他在拼命学环艺专业四处打工赚学费，人家学富五车看问题入木三分全能冠军，自己却是单项突出。是的，我们总是比别人慢很多拍。许多年少的夜晚被饥饿追赶，殊不知别人已经跑了很远。
只有背影没有背景。在偌大的城市里生存，如同荒原上落单的野狼。每当皓月当空，繁星亮起，心中奔腾的一万匹神兽都不敌身后随时奔来突袭的雄狮要命。生活张开它的血盆大口，随时准备吞噬生命，蚕食掉我们心中微茫的所谓理想。刚子说，当我站在落地玻璃窗前，望着脚下繁华的街灯熙攘的人群，好想纵深飞下去呵。我笑着说，有过，好在玻璃幕墙比肉体牢固多了。
很多东西就是命运。我们抓不住的，当腰身越来越硬朗，也总会在希望中渐渐学着去忘却。被雨水冲刷掉最初的浑浊，泥沙俱下，时间沉淀出内心尚未崩坏的部分，也许才是真实的我们。
看着人们来来往往。他们大谈民主，炫富，贪婪，腐败，独裁，专制，又且疯狂。时代的巨轮不会因为我们弱小而停止前行。风浪阵阵，我常跟自己说，看淡一些，再看透一些，个体的能力确保吃穿住行，它是眼下更为实际的东西。刚子说，创新型消费很有意思。我说，无非是慾望。就像他们在讲一夜暴富，互联网思维。这些生拉硬拽概念背后，本质上万变不离其宗。我们呢？每天，信息不断的轰炸，时间被不经意的切割砸碎，以至于浪费掉多少稍纵即逝的瞬息而浑然不知。比如：微博、微信群、QQ群，所有SNS的社交网络，我们连身边的亲友都顾不上，却不停地热衷于跟陌生人瞎闹。问问自己，有多久没有跟父母打电话？多久没陪他们吃上一顿家常饭？有多久没有与恋人逛街谈心？有多久没有看完整本书？有多久没有静心看场电影了？满世界鸡汤，全民忽悠，争来抢去，占山为王，为钱生，为钱死。所有人都在说成功，可是，我却只喜欢成长。
时代越是疯狂，越说明有问题。很多人的底线是没有底线。没有契约精神，除了叫嚣就是吵嚷，相互之间缺乏信任。幼稚园小朋友们说我好烦啊，正值青春的人说累觉不爱，负担重重的人暮气沉沉，就连广场舞大妈都在舞枪弄棒忧愁不已。没有人有耐心倾听，大家都在诉说。这个世界魔怔的不是外在，恰好，是我们各自内心的不安和聒噪。要知道，生而为人，懂得的，毕竟少之又少。
我就这样看着匆忙，走走停停，一路小跑。对群起攻之的事物和蜂拥而至的幸福，多了一些质疑。我想真实地活下去，多一些智慧，多一些生机，因而充满敌意地爱着这个世界。
如果可以，想要抱抱你。
经历感受的多是财富还是负担?总得靠自己不是？对自己好点，还要多点好运气
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How do you justify what is propoganda and what is not? Ideology. So, to some extend we all engage in the construction and legitimization of propaganda. Yet, Josh Fox starts with a legitimate concern for his backyard and confusion over what to make of a $100,000 offer. This is a journey of understanding. You know who holds the keys to the propaganda machine that makes tracking look sane and necessary, the politicians and corporate leaders.
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