我不是标题
兴许每个人都听过这样一句话：
性格决定命运。
然而，人，是这个世界上最复杂的动物。
活了这么大，一直在寻找自己，
到底是个什么样的“怪物”？
这个问题很难，并且有点扯。
今天就说一个问题：从小到大，
我就非常反感强行参与集体活动，
这和是否有团队意识真没啥关系。
1、
幼儿园老师每个星期六中午放学，
都会给她认为表现好的小朋友发一朵小红花带回家。
我也得过那么几朵，拿到手转个身就直接撕掉，
原因是当时我觉得红纸剪成的纸花特别丑，
拿回家贴泥巴墙上没用。
回到家里，我跟妈妈说，
老师发小红花，还不如发给我几个糖。
2、
在大队村小学读书，每到六一儿童节，
老师都安排同学表演节目。
老师让我们排好队，在小朋友们的脸蛋上抹粉，
拽我的衣领时，我死活不从，整个人往后缩，
老师很冒火，我瞪着她，说：
唐老师，不要给我抹，红脸蛋跟猴子屁股一样。
结果，她把我抹哭了，一个大花脸。
上台唱社会主义好，很讨厌，
老师要求大家穿白球鞋更讨厌。
那个郁闷啊，为什么非要穿白球鞋，
妈妈给我买的解放鞋是黄胶鞋来的。
老师抓住我，非要我喊家长买白球鞋，
我那个厌恶啊，但是又没有办法，
一开始，我想拿白粉笔头儿把鞋抹白，
后来一想，那是石灰，鞋子要坏掉。
再后来，就回家拿牙膏抹白直接穿了去，
被同学笑了差不多半个学期。
3、
上中学，每年都有两次校运动会。
班级要统一服装。那时候我们没有穿校服。
有一年，女生流行穿真丝裤子，就是有弹性的那种，
下面有根带子踩在脚板下，把裤子绷的直直的。
我一直觉得那个裤子特别难看，穿了站着好像个圆规。
于是，死活不穿。老师拿我没办法，
OHYE，穿个黑裤子混进队伍照样走一二一。
4、
上大学的时候，什么篮球比赛当啦啦队这种集体活动，
基本上我都梭边边跑掉。自个儿跑图书馆玩儿最嗨皮。
5、
毕业了上班，每年的年会什么的特别恼火。
特烦给我安排角色唱歌跳舞跟耍猴儿似的。
你要是不参加吧，大家伙儿说你没团队精神，
我勒个擦！有的公司是团队派代表，比较好整，
有的公司是要求每个人都要有节目……
最近一次，是上一个公司的年会。
事业部几十个人，年会入场，大家穿白TEE。
我所在的事业部里面，
有个姑娘为了显示她特别有服装设计的才能，
把那白TEE用剪刀剪的到处是洞洞，跟叫花子似的难看，
好像一块廉价的擦桌布啊！
除了我跟丸子（一美女同事）大家都觉得好精彩，
我们俩跑到公司对面的雅秀市场去自掏腰包买白TEE，
穿了混进年会也挺好的嘛！
轮到表演节目，群魔乱舞，男女都穿带亮片的破烂裙子跳舞。
天啦！你们知道吗，当我看到又矮又肥的女同事穿那个衣服的时候，
两条粗壮跟大碗口一样的大象腿美滋滋的扭来扭曲，心里嘀咕着：
我靠！这审美，她怎么还那么高兴啊，差点没喷饭！
为了不给大家添麻烦让他们得奖拿奖金，还要满足每个人都有演出。
只好想了个办法，打印了一张A4纸，上面俩字：鼓掌！
等他们表演的时候，我从前面举起纸跟鬼一样晃过去就可以了。
6、
今年年会，完蛋了！碰到一帮跟我一样对表演没有兴趣的家伙。
为了不让公司觉得我们没出节目，为了不被批评。结果是：
我被这伙懒鬼要挟现场写大字！妈呀，他们把写什么字，
笔墨纸砚都给我搞好了。老板前两天问我，哟，书法表演呀！
有没有背景音乐什么的？我说：没有音乐。她说：你们真行！
我直接汗一个：老板，我不会书法！坟场里丢花椒，麻鬼的。
年会，年年会，有一搭没一搭，还是躲不过不喜欢的事儿。
瞪眼照镜子那张好玩。喜欢男女对眼儿那张。地铁小女孩那张没有上次那个男人的脸好。小宝加油，继续！
嘻嘻，还有好多，我随便放几个呢：）新浪微博（ID 饭糕）也是随便乱贴，有好多木有贴。
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写得好看。。
谢谢，流水账。
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你是一锅瓜娃子！
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